IS MARRIAGE REALLY WORTH IT?


The institution of marriage in Western Society has changed considerably in the past 50 years. Back in the 60’s, very few women worked, only the most entrepreneurial and go getting, with more highly evolved husbands that allowed them to did. Author Jane Caro who was featured on the ABC’s Q & A stated:

“I would argue that traditional marriage, which included conjugal rights, particularly when women were not able to go to work, or were fired when they first got married, were basically selling their bodies and reproductive rights to their husband. He brought them by giving her room and board in return. This was a form of prostitution.”

When questioned about this analogy she replied:

“I stand by my analogy, particularly when there was no such thing as rape in marriage. We really trapped women economically and legally in marriage and they had no control over their body. I’m making an analogy that for a very long time -not now thank goodness- that women’s major currency was sexual favours”

This sounds a bit harsh and attempts to burst the romantic bubble that most of us girls like to live in when thinking about marriage. For many it’s all about the fairytale wedding, the stunning dress, releasing butterflies or doves, a ring of our dreams, the romantic honeymoon and being the centre of all your friends & families attention and adoration for that ONE special day. But is one day really enough for a lifetime of commitment? An article written by Noam Shpancer PhD ‘Is marriage worth the trouble for women”, tells us that the marriage benefits of an increase in health, wealth and happiness, goes disproportionately to men and that married men are better off than single men, while married women are not better off than unmarried women.

Lets look at the other end of marriage, divorce. It has been shown that 66% of women initiate divorce, where as this does not occur in other male/female relationships where they are not married. Making it appear that it is the institution of marriage that still in reality is oppressive, still carrying the residue of the old marriage system of female subjugation. In older times marriage based on common law, assumed that the wife was the husbands property, with most women still taking their husbands name after marriage; often because it is still a legal requirement to do so, especially in some states of America.

So what actually does marriage hold for the present day bride? In Australia, study after study, year after year, continues to reveal that men do less work around the house than their wives. However a married man is healthier and lives longer than a single man. No wonder, he gets to rest up more than one who has to do it all himself and is not fed healthy home cooked meals and health supplements by his wife, unless of course he still lives at home and his mother does it for him. What is bizarre despite the apparent benefits of marriage to a man, is that between 1 and 2 women are murdered in Australia EVERY WEEK, in 2017, as a result of domestic violence, and this is consistent throughout the world.

Having been through two divorces myself, I feel like I can come from a place of some knowing in this department. Divorce can be demoralising, heartbreaking, & soul destroyingly difficult. It can result in financial ruin, loss of your home and its security and the damage it does to your kids is heartbreaking. To my way of thinking, I would not commit to any man, unless I believed with all my heart that he made me happier by being with him, than I would be alone.

I have often said, that there are a lot worse things than being single! Just ask any women married to a Narcissist or a wife beater! Too many times I think we are so blinded by the idea of marriage, that we are willing to ‘settle’ for someone who is close enough to your hopes and dreams of our Devine partner, and this idea of ‘close enough’ may change depending on where you are in your life at the time, i.e.. do you have children already, a job you love, or where you live, or if you have a good support network of family and friends. But in reality, close enough is NEVER going to be GOOD ENOUGH!

In todays world, where a women can make a life alone, with or without children, by being able to work, earn money, study, rent homes, and if lucky enough in todays financial climate, get a home loan. Society no longer frowns on unmarried women the way it did 50 years ago and there are a lot more support groups set up specifically to help women, when they need it most. By raising our expectations for what we need in a good partner or husband, and not settling for ‘near enough’, we will help to teach our men and our son’s what they need to be to be a good partner and how to win a good womens heart and soul. Those men who can’t or wont learn how to be what we need, will find themselves like the studies show, less healthy, less happy and die an earlier death!

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