When we are born, we have no idea whether we are a boy or girl and what that will mean to us when we get older. For the first two years of life we go along our way, gender neutral. Then gradually we are taught about our gender and how that will impact us in our lives to come. Who knows exactly when this happens, but gradually along our path, girls loose their natural self confidence and belief in themselves. We are subtly taught to look critically at ourselves and to believe that what others think about us, is more important than what we think and know about ourselves.

I don't believe this happens as a result of one life altering incident in our lives, but rather by an insidious chipping away at our trust in the belief that we know and approve of ourselves better than anyone else. Every marketed image of a girl or woman is trying to tell us what they want us to believe is necessary to look like, wear or have, in order to be successful in this life. This subtle conditioning starts to happen as soon as we watch and interact with TV, movies, magazines, books, billboards, music, music videos, school and ultimately social media. Social media and the 'like generation' is the ultimate search for approval and recognition that we are likeable and OK.

When did our need for acceptance become a 24hr obsession with social media and why do young people have such little belief in themselves that they are constantly searching for recognition and approval from strangers to feel OK about themselves?

Today as a very young child we see Disney movies with heroines who are either very beautiful or often Princesses who are kind, sing beautifully, have long flowing hair, a slim small waisted figure and who is petite when standing next to her handsome leading man. What happens to the girls who don't fit that one version of what a woman should look like? The girls with short curly hair, big thighs, very tall or very short, without a naturally small waist or any of the other natural versions of normal that exist. What does this repeated version of beautiful do to their self esteem?

I recently saw the movie "I Feel Pretty", with Amy Schumer and I would highly recommend it to any girl or woman to go and see it! It tells of a young woman who every time she looks at herself in the mirror, thinks that she is not good enough to have a relationship, a good career or even a happy life. Her figure, despite rocking long thin legs that anyone would be happy to have, she carries like most of us, some extra pounds around her middle and instead of the gaunt model sculptured face, hers is oval and a bit fleshy although attractive, and she has long blonde flowing hair.

However like most girls, rather than focusing on her best assets, mainly being a good person and a good friend, she makes her way through her life, feeling never good enough to be happy and have the dream life the media has sold her, as well as the dream woman she needs to be to achieve it. A hit on her head changes her view of how she perceives herself and now when she looks in the mirror, she see's herself as 'perfect' and genetically blessed. The only thing that has actually changed is her belief in who she is and the confidence she has, to make the life she has always dreamed of having.

Confidence and self belief is all it takes to change her life. It is well known that confidence is sexy, which is why the person with the most self confidence is the one we all gravitate to. Perhaps secretly we are hoping that a little will rub off on us. In my learning over the years there have been some phrases that I hear over and over, that seems to encapsulate what we need to know here.

"What you think is what you create"

"Your thoughts become your reality"

"The world mirrors back to you what you need to look at in yourself the most"

and the all time clincher

"If you don't love yourself, then who else is going to think you are worthy of their love?"

I believe that all we need to do to break this trend of women not feeling good enough, is to expose the realities of life, by breaking down all the hype that we are bombarded with everyday, into some basic commercial facts.

1. In a world where making money is seen as the pinnacle of success, we need to open our eyes to the fact that everything we are shown on all forms of media is designed to sell us products that make them more money.

2. They don't care about you, they want your money, that's it.

3.There is no one thing or trend that will make you better than you already are. You were born perfect and unique and it is each and every one of our unique features and characteristics that makes our world, interesting, diverse, innovative and wonderful!

4.Only you can change the way you think about yourself, so stop buying products to make other people rich and handing over your self esteem with your money.


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